(This is a re-post of my “Rock the Commandment” series of posts. I’ll be running these on Tuesdays and Thursdays each week as we lead up to Palm Sunday. Today is also my daughter Ann's birthday. Happy Birthday, Ann!)
Commandment Number Five
This puts us halfway through the Rock the Commandments series of posts. And, as you might remember from Sunday school, this is the commandment with a promise:
Honor your father and mother that it may be well with you, and your days may be long upon the good land the Lord your God is giving you. (Ex. 20:12).This commandment is not just a help to parents to try to keep their kids in line. The promise of a long life wouldn’t work anyway. A long life seems inevitable when we’re young. After all, the thought of death is so far from us that we might as well feel immortal. But, when we’re not so young, that promise comes back to us.
When Job lost everything, including his children, his thoughts turned to the Lord – and to his mother. Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I shall return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away. As it seemed good to the Lord, so also it came to pass. Blessed be the name of the Lord (Job 1:21). Job refused to blame God and die, as his wife suggested. I suspect he was pretty good to his earthly parents, too.
There is a nice passage in Proverbs where Solomon talks about his parents, David and Bathsheba.
For I was a son, and I was obedient to my father, And beloved in the presence of my mother, Who taught me, saying, “Let our word become firmly planted in your heart; Guard our commandments; do not forget them; Neither disregard the word of my mouth, Nor forsake it, and it shall cleave to you; Love it, and it will keep you. Secure it, and it shall exalt you; Honor it, that it may embrace you, And give your head a crown of graces, And cover you with a crown of delight” (Prov. 4:3-8).
This gives us a peek into Solomon’s relationship with his parents. He plainly held both of them in high regard at the writing of Proverbs. It is also plain that his wise mother Bathsheba held David in high regard as well. Given how their relationship began, we can only imagine the godliness, love and compassion she had. Most of us, I suspect, would be angry and bitter for a great many years, if not for our entire lives. Add to this, David’s humility in repentance (Ps. 51). These are good lessons for all of us.
Now let's consider our own perspectives:
+ Have I respected my parents and been obedient to them?
It’s not just your children’s commandment. Although obedience is a tricky word, have you done your best by your parents? Consider the prodigal son.
+ Have I been guilty of deception, or caused them pain by my words or actions?
Come on, you know what this means. Do you hurt your parents through how you live? Do you bring them dishonor? And – of course – the obvious question: have you lied to them? (I know that there are a lot of issues here. The hole in my bedroom door, put there in a fight with my brother as a teenager, went undiscovered for years after we hid it so well.)
Just be honest. It works.
+ Have I neglected them or failed to help them?
My parents are both in their eighties. This takes on a different meaning with time.
+ Have I done my duty towards my family?
Yes, all your family.
+ Have I been wanting in love towards my husband or wife, or harmed him or her in any way?
You’ve heard it from the psychologists. It’s spiritual, too. We honor our parents with how we honor our family.
+ Have I set my children a good example and tried to bring them up properly?
UCLA’s famed basketball coach John Wooden has a favorite poem that went something along the lines of “A little fellow watches me…” It told of how a child learns through observing and repeating, not by absorbing our words – especially if those words do not match with our behavior. In short, be the person you want your children to grow up to be.
+ Have I corrected my children’s faults with patience – and not with anger?
Okay, we all slip from time to time, anger and frustration getting the best of us. But is that the pattern? Or the exception? I’ll be writing about anger in a future post. It is something we must all be aware of.
+ Have I over-indulged or spoiled my children?
We love those darlings dearly. That means that sometimes we have to hold back. It’s not always about the now.
+ Have I neglected my god-children and failed in my obligations towards them?
The same applies. If you’re a god-parent, you’re not just a decoration at the baptism.
+ Have I worked for my employers honestly and diligently?
Just as you would work for God. Just as you should work for family.
+ Have I treated fairly all those who have worked for me?
As you have done for the least of these…
+ Have I honored God as my Heavenly Father by treating others as my brothers, and have I honored the Church as my spiritual Mother by honoring and practicing my religion in accordance with her teachings?
Every person is an icon of Christ, no matter how much that image has been covered with sin and corruption. Sin and corruption are temporary things, removable through repentance. The image of Christ is permanent. So let us not be amongst the goats, but treat all with the love we have for our Heavenly Father.
Our Father in heaven,
Hallowed be Your name.
Your kingdom come.
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts,
As we forgive our debtors.
And do not lead us into temptation,
But deliver us from the evil one.
For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.
-Matthew 6:9b-13
These prompts come from A Pocket Prayer Book for Orthodox Christians. The commentary is all mine. So if there is any error, it all belongs to me.
Image: My son Jeremy in Mangum, Oklahoma, honoring the memory of his great-great-grandparents (my great-grandparents).
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